Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Cleaning Day F-I-A-S-C-O!!

How does one set the stage for a story like this? I don't know so I'll just start telling it. Its funny...trust me! So today was the day that the lady(Maria-you'll need to know this for the rest of the story) who helps me clean my house was to come. She comes at 8 am on the day she comes. She arrives and what usually happens is I take the kids out until she is done. She happens to have a crew of ladies who works for her so it goes faster. I like that! The rest of the ladies don't speak English and you'll need to know that for the rest of the story too! So the kids and I load up and head to the donut shop and Target. We were going to go to my parents house afterwards until time to leave. So I'm checking out at Target and my cell phone rings. I see it is Allison Allison(the one we bought the house from who has now become my good friend). I decide not to answer and call her when finished checking out. By the time I get to the car she has texted me. It says something like...."Hey call me. The cleaning ladies have found a large snake in your living room!" Panic!! However, I try not to look like I've just read what I did because the kids are with me and I'm thinking that they might really be afraid of our house if they knew....LIKE THEIR MOTHER NOW WAS!!! So I call her. I said "you're kidding, right?" She unfortunately said no. Maria had called Stephen Allison (Allison's husband) because she didn't have my cell phone # and said they found a large snake in my living room. They were freaking out. Stephen told them to keep an eye on it until I got home(thanks so much) so I would know where it went. Maria said..."oh no! They're all out in the front yard." Great. Allison tries to reassure me that she's sure its not a bad one and that normally what Stephen does is chop their heads off with a hoe. She then added "But none have ever gotten IN the house before". Still panicking and trying not to let my kids know what I'm talking about I ask her to call Maria and tell her I'm on my way. I then hang up and called my dad. He lives 3 miles down the road, Praise the Lord. I tell him that I can't really talk about it but that he needed to meet me at my house PRONTO!! The whole time I'm just praying asking the Lord how it is the snake got in my house? How did He want me to kill it? Was it slithering around my feet this morning and I didn't even know it? Did it have little babies? Amy! Focus!! So I pull up at the same time my dad does. Maria's truck is gone but the other ladies cars are still there. My dad has an extreme look of concern on his face. I tell the kids to stay in the car and watch the Veggie Tale video for the nine hundredth time. I tell my dad what Allison told me and man he starts running around!! He's looking for a hoe or something to bludgeon the nasty thing with and I go in to face the snake that dared make it into my house. I open the door and one of the non English speaking ladies meets me. I say "where's Maria?". She shakes her head and proceeds to tell me something in Spanish. I say "do you speak English?" Duh, Amy! No! So I say "snake?" while making hand gestures in the form of a S. She summons me to follow her into the kitchen......she reaches for something on the counter top.....I'm panicking thinking she is about to throw it on me.....and this is what I saw..........................







I start laughing uncontrollably! I said "this is what you thought was a snake?" Remember...she doesn't speak English! I hug her and off I run to call off the dogs...I mean my dad. Let me explain what this is. A couple of weeks ago when we had our little Stay-cation one of the lovely ladies who was here (Tara) showed us how to make hair extensions for much cheaper than other ones. This is one of my hair pieces that fell behind the couch. I understand maybe seeing this from a far and for a second thinking it was a rat. But COME ON!! How did this turn into a LARGE snake? I tried putting it in different places to see if I could make it look like a snake.
Up close curled up...

From afar....

On the hard wood kind of more straightened out...

On the carpet where they saw it in the first place....

Well, I'll say I was very relieved that I could actually live in my house again. Because I tell you I was already running down a list of things I would need to pack for the hotel that I was checking me and my children into.

And my dad looked at this whole experience as a practice run in case anything really DID happen and he needed to get to me quickly. I KNEW I could count on you, Dad!!!!

I think I'll call David Letterman and see if I can enter my "snake" on Hair Piece/Not A Hair Piece.

12 comments:

Tiffany said...

That is about the funniest story I have heard in a long time! I laughed so hard! I still can't make it into a snake! I'm glad your dad came to your rescue. I'm still laughing!

Dawn said...

Are you kidding me? That doesn't look like a snake at all! How funny is that! I would feel the same way you do...I would rather it be a hair piece than a snake! Great story!

Dianne Doiron said...

So funny....now how could that be mistaken for a snake??

Just in case you ever do get a snake in a place you don't want it.
This is what I learned while living in Gibson (we had lots of snakes down there...2 different occassions I had to get a "big" snake out of the house and 2 different times I had to get bigger snakes out of the office where I worked.)
Dangle a cotton mop in front of the snake...the snake will latch onto the cotton strings with its fangs....now carefully drag the snake out while his fangs are latched to the mop strings.
This worked three of the four times for me....I only learned this after I found the first snake in my house and C.J. rushed home and chopped its head off.

MattandSara said...

Too, too funny! Still laughing here.

Kim, Aaron, Jake, and Jack said...

Hilarious! But it came close to not being so funny! Anyhow, hope yall are doing well. I bet you can hardly wait for another week from now!!! :)

Kari said...

That is the most horrifying story I've heard. Even the thought of the snake in the house creeps me out! Seriously, I am so scared of snakes...the kids laugh at me all the time because I constantly tell them to watch out for snakes! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

These are the days... said...

Even though I laughed out loud, I'm still going to have nightmares about snakes. Okay, and the mop idea totally gave me the willies. YUCK!

Also, congrats on the anniversary and all that comes with it! I can't wait to read all about it!

becky said...

omg. A snake that is NOT!!
I bet the hair extension party was lots of fun.
Have you started your book yet?
Maybe you could just use your blog pages. I think it could be a best seller!!

Mimi Martin said...

I think you just might be more scared of snakes than balloons! For therapy, maybe the kids could pop balloons while you get the hoe and go after the hairpiece.

Jeanette said...

Oh my word! Too funny!!!

Leslie said...

HI Amy, Leslie from AWAA. This is TOO funny. I have to tell you a story about creatures in my house. Once, when my oldest was about 3 (he is 10 in a couple of weeks), I was talking to my Mom on the phone and Jonah announced not so quietly, "Mommy, there is a D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R in the playroom! Help!" Of course I knew it could not be a dinosaur and I thought his imagination was getting the best of him, but NO! There was a lizard, about 3 feet long. Really it was about a foot long, but it seemed 3 feet. Know what I did? Told my Mom to send my Dad right over but he was out hunting or something. So, I called Charlie who rushed home not too happy but of course coming to my rescue. He caught it and its tail promptly came off. We never did find that "dinosaur" as it scurried away and hid somewhere. We did leave the door open all afternoon. I guess it could still be in the house somewhere but I choose to believe it is not!

And CONGRATS on your cruse!!! I read the comments about the possible pregnancy and had to laugh. I would feel the same exact way as you as this moment in time. Of course I would get promptly excited but right now I just want to get my baby home from China. Can't wait to hear about your vows being renewed and your cruise. Our 13-year anniversary is August 12. I need to let Charlie read this. ;) Leslie

Rebekah said...

HAHA!!! That's AWESOME!!! And I seriously needed a laugh right now, so thanks. :)