Cleaning Day F-I-A-S-C-O!!

How does one set the stage for a story like this? I don't know so I'll just start telling it. Its funny...trust me! So today was the day that the lady(Maria-you'll need to know this for the rest of the story) who helps me clean my house was to come. She comes at 8 am on the day she comes. She arrives and what usually happens is I take the kids out until she is done. She happens to have a crew of ladies who works for her so it goes faster. I like that! The rest of the ladies don't speak English and you'll need to know that for the rest of the story too! So the kids and I load up and head to the donut shop and Target. We were going to go to my parents house afterwards until time to leave. So I'm checking out at Target and my cell phone rings. I see it is Allison Allison(the one we bought the house from who has now become my good friend). I decide not to answer and call her when finished checking out. By the time I get to the car she has texted me. It says something like...."Hey call me. The cleaning ladies have found a large snake in your living room!" Panic!! However, I try not to look like I've just read what I did because the kids are with me and I'm thinking that they might really be afraid of our house if they knew....LIKE THEIR MOTHER NOW WAS!!! So I call her. I said "you're kidding, right?" She unfortunately said no. Maria had called Stephen Allison (Allison's husband) because she didn't have my cell phone # and said they found a large snake in my living room. They were freaking out. Stephen told them to keep an eye on it until I got home(thanks so much) so I would know where it went. Maria said..."oh no! They're all out in the front yard." Great. Allison tries to reassure me that she's sure its not a bad one and that normally what Stephen does is chop their heads off with a hoe. She then added "But none have ever gotten IN the house before". Still panicking and trying not to let my kids know what I'm talking about I ask her to call Maria and tell her I'm on my way. I then hang up and called my dad. He lives 3 miles down the road, Praise the Lord. I tell him that I can't really talk about it but that he needed to meet me at my house PRONTO!! The whole time I'm just praying asking the Lord how it is the snake got in my house? How did He want me to kill it? Was it slithering around my feet this morning and I didn't even know it? Did it have little babies? Amy! Focus!! So I pull up at the same time my dad does. Maria's truck is gone but the other ladies cars are still there. My dad has an extreme look of concern on his face. I tell the kids to stay in the car and watch the Veggie Tale video for the nine hundredth time. I tell my dad what Allison told me and man he starts running around!! He's looking for a hoe or something to bludgeon the nasty thing with and I go in to face the snake that dared make it into my house. I open the door and one of the non English speaking ladies meets me. I say "where's Maria?". She shakes her head and proceeds to tell me something in Spanish. I say "do you speak English?" Duh, Amy! No! So I say "snake?" while making hand gestures in the form of a S. She summons me to follow her into the kitchen......she reaches for something on the counter top.....I'm panicking thinking she is about to throw it on me.....and this is what I saw..........................







I start laughing uncontrollably! I said "this is what you thought was a snake?" Remember...she doesn't speak English! I hug her and off I run to call off the dogs...I mean my dad. Let me explain what this is. A couple of weeks ago when we had our little Stay-cation one of the lovely ladies who was here (Tara) showed us how to make hair extensions for much cheaper than other ones. This is one of my hair pieces that fell behind the couch. I understand maybe seeing this from a far and for a second thinking it was a rat. But COME ON!! How did this turn into a LARGE snake? I tried putting it in different places to see if I could make it look like a snake.
Up close curled up...

From afar....

On the hard wood kind of more straightened out...

On the carpet where they saw it in the first place....

Well, I'll say I was very relieved that I could actually live in my house again. Because I tell you I was already running down a list of things I would need to pack for the hotel that I was checking me and my children into.

And my dad looked at this whole experience as a practice run in case anything really DID happen and he needed to get to me quickly. I KNEW I could count on you, Dad!!!!

I think I'll call David Letterman and see if I can enter my "snake" on Hair Piece/Not A Hair Piece.