Friday, January 18, 2008

Deep Amy

I woke up today and had something on my mind and I didn't know what to do with it so I decided to write it down.

This wait. This long wait for our daughter who currently lives across the world from me is hard. I've never been good at waiting very long for ANYTHING! I guess that's the culture we live in. Instant gratification! But this is different. I really don't have a say in how long this takes. I don't have a choice. And as hard as that is at times to accept I've kind of grown okay with it. I sounds weird. I've been accused lately of *stressing* about this. But I'll say its more than that. Stressing in my mind is different. Its clawing, flailing, clinging to any sort of control you can have over a situation. Forgive me if that's not what you think. In this situation...its what I think. Just recently my friends Britney and Brad, went through a very difficult waiting phase as the doctor's were testing their unborn baby for a frightening defect. Britney and I got to spend lots of time together during the days before the news came. One of the things we talked about was what a gift this "season of waiting" was. Whatever the outcome, good or bad, she was never going to get THIS time back. This opportunity, if you will. Did she have to pretend that she wasn't scared or nervous or frustrated? NO. On the other hand, did she have to walk around sad because she was waiting on some potentially bad news even if she wasn't feeling sad? NO. This time was an opportunity to grow close to the Giver of Life. To take ALL that she was feeling and lay it at his feet and say "Lord, I trust you and the fact that you have all of this in your control. But here is what I have and I lay it at your feet as an offering. I give it to you and Praise you!!" When the tears came she cried. When the laughter came she laughed. The Lord did an amazing thing during their wait. He changed some ways of thinking. But it was a choice she had to make. A choice to walk into his arms and let Him comfort her. And that is what I am choosing to do. I have so much in life that I am thankful for!! I have a 3 wonderful children here that I get to parent everyday. They are my joy!! I have another child that is coming. Whenever that is! And I choose to let this time of waiting be an opportunity to grow deeper in love with my God. Do I have hard times? Yes! But I don't stay there. He wants me to honest with where I am. But He also wants me to learn from it and maybe the next time the sadness comes it won't be as hard. The Lord has been so faithful to give me exactly what I need when I'm struggling. And I find when I sit and read His word when I am it's like the words jump off that page and breathe life into me! And I offer EVERYTHING I have to him. Good and bad and ask him to use this time. Use it to change me. Use it to teach me things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I don't want to get to the end of this waiting (and there is an end, folks) and wish I'd chosen to live differently. THIS is the day the Lord has made! I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!

If your wondering....Brit and Brad's baby is going to be fine!! Little Eli!! What an amazing God we serve!! Thanks for listening!

Psalm 146

Praise the Lord!
Let all that I am praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord as long as I live. I will sing praises to my God with my dying breath.
Don’t put your confidence in powerful people; there is no help for you there. When they breathe their last, they return to the earth, and all their plans die with them. But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God. He made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever. He gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry. The Lord frees the prisoners. The Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are weighed down. The Lord loves the godly. The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.
The Lord will reign forever. He will be your God, O Jerusalem, throughout the generations.
Praise the Lord!


Jacinda said...

Won't it be wonderful a year from now to read back on these recent posts and know that the waiting is over and you have your precious little girl with you! God will carry you through the waiting!

Britney K said...

Glory! That was a great post! It makes me so proud of you. Not because you weren't something before and you are now but because you are a might woman of God and not only do you hear Him you LISTEN to Him. I love you dear friend! And my brewing post on peace is such a piggie back on yours. I'll post it today. XO

Jenn said...

Wow....I so needed to read this today! I'm so glad the Lord directed me to your blog. I love how He works! In Him alone will I rest in. :o)

Jeanette said...

Amy, thank you for such an encouraging post. I really needed to read that today, well, everyday. Waiting on the Lord has to be one of the hardest things we have to do when He doesn't answer right away. You are so right, you don't want to miss THIS MOMENT because we will never have it again. I know you are aching for Adiah to come home quickly and I know that the Lord is refining your heart and relationship with Him so that when she is here, you are changed, for His good and for His glory. Every second spent waiting on Him is a second closer to His heart and all of the good He has planned for you!!!! I'm praying for your dear friend. Hang on to Him for dear life...He's got BIG things coming your way!!!


Journey To Kennedi Mei said...

Loved your post on waiting! We too are waiting for our RA and cannot wait until it arrives but your post made so much sense! Thanks for sharing it! Hoping our RAs come quickly!

MattandSara said...

Well, sister, you know I love you and I love your heart. Now your post wasn't as funny as Jack Handy but that's a good thing! I love you and I am so grateful that we get to journey together.

M Holly said...

Isn't it amazing what can happen in our lives when we "let go and let God"! I am so very thankful that God has grown you into the woman that you are today. And may He continue to give you peace and joy while you wait. I love you!

Teagues said...

I am catching up on blogs of those w/ similiar referral dates! We are in N. Texas, have a similiar family picture on our blog and I also have a daughter in gymnastics. Her meets start up again in Feb (hopefully she won't miss her April one which qualifies her for state in May, we surely will be home by then!).
Praying for RA news soon. We hit day 90 tomorrow!

Denise said...

You know that I can say that I totally understand your feelings right now...and I also believe that God is teaching us through this wait, and that He will be glorified through the whole process! Hang in there~

Liz*** said...

Great post! I love hearing your heart. There is a song by Greg Long called "In the Waiting". You should listen to it. It has ministered to me and my family in a similiar time.

Beth said...

Amy Thank you for this blog. I needed to hear it.

Party of Five said...

Amy, thank you for your open and honest blog. I needed to read that today to motivate me once again to put Major's life in God's hands. I know that having a chronically ill child has been my biggest challenge to date but I am not alone. I don't need to carry the burden because our Jesus already paid the price. God bless you my dear cousin!!!